This Friday on Cupid

Hello David, 

I understand people don't use names when writing to you,  so just call me Kay. I'm not sure if I'm complaining as much,  but any help you offer would not be denied. The main purpose of writing to you is because I wish to share my story for everyone to really hear, and at the end, I need some advice on what to do. Some people think they have problems, enough to die for,  but I hope mine changes their heart. My sad story started when I was 15 years old, my mother died in an accident as she was travelling home (Kogi) from buying goods at Enugu. We were just two and my younger brother was 9 years at the time. After this tragedy,  my brother was taken to leave with my aunt and I was left alone with my dad. The loss of my mum got into my dad a whole lot and affected him mentally, we thought it was something we could deal with but after some months,  he went really wild. Everybody stared to abandon him to this sickness, but I loved him a lot and I stayed with him, this was the main reason I was left with him. We both lived in the house and I always tried to keep him in the house and not let him leave. Each time he does, he would run away and I would look for him for days before I found him and beg people to help me bring him home. I was still going to school and when I came back,  I'd  bring out fruits and water that I sell in front of our house. This was where I was making small money to feed,  asides the money my relatives who cared, sent sometimes. 

Two years later, I was now I'm my SS3, that was when my real problem began. My dad would barge into my room at night and use me. The first time, I shouted and tried to force him off, but he would be calling me my mother's name. He takes me for my mum and was always thinking he was sleeping with my mum. I couldn't talk to anyone because I didn't know how to tell people about it. I also felt if people knew they could kill him or put him in jail. I couldn't lose my mum and my dad as well. See, though he was mad, sometimes when it's just us, I would be telling him some things and he would be talking back normal. He would even advice me so well while talking, though it won't be completely coordinated. So a part of me believed he was still in there. But this part of sleeping with me was what I couldn't handle. He continued doing it and he was always too strong to stop. When I lock my door, he would break it with anything he finds and come in and I couldn't outrun him. After a while this was happening, I couldn't take it anymore. One day,  I decided to be sleeping in the church and not at home anymore. At night, I would lock him inside, then I'd run to a mountain of fire church near my home to sleep. But I was already too late. I noticed my menstrual flow was too little the next month but I was even happy at the surprising behaviour,  as my flow was always painful. But by the next month,  I didn't see it at all,  it took some weeks before it struck me I could be pregnant. That was when I really panicked and started calling my aunty who was taking care of my brother. She came home and was baffled when I told her my story. She grabbed me immediately and we went for a test in a clinic. I was confirmed pregnant. In that moment,  I wanted to die, I was a complete mess. I didn't even know where to begin. My aunty could not control me, nobody could. Let me make you understand this well, I was about writing WAEC, which was supposed to be my future, I was carrying a baby for my mad father, how am I supposed to leave my life at this point? 

My aunty refused me keeping the baby and she called her husband. Her husband asked her to bring me to their house and so we went there. My aunty went to a mad people's home in our area and called them to come and carry my father,  which they did. My aunty and her husband then took me to a clinic for the abortion. I agreed to the process because I didn't see how I would carry my own fathers child,  that was a height of abomination. How would this child grow up? How would he explain who his father is? Did I even know that this would compound my problem? I don't know the drug the doctor injected me with, next thing I started shaking and it was like life was leaving me. I looked down and saw I was covered by blood,  the doctor rushed and lay me down, then he asked a nurse to get him another injection. When he gave me that one, I slept off. I woke up later and found my little brother,  my aunty and her husband, with me in the ward. They smiled and started asking me how I was doing. I said I was fine but didn't understand how I had left the small room I was in and was now in the hospital ward. Nobody explained anything until we got home and stayed a few weeks. One night, my aunty woke me up and said she needed to talk to me, I wondered what had happened so my eyes opened fast. She told me I had complications during the abortion process and it had done something very bad to me. She said I can't really give birth again as it affected my womb. She kept on telling me that the main thing was that I was still alive, so I should calm down. I was gone. I knew at that point I had no reason to live any longer. I would stay up a lot of nights crying till daybreak. I hated life and just wanted everything to end. 

My help was my uncle. He kept coming to me to talk to me. He would counsel me, talk and talk and talk. He kept doing this until I started getting out my tears bit by bit. He would buy me gifts to cheer me up and he promised me that if I was ready, I could write WAEC again and he would see me through school. To this I finally agreed and with some help, I passed it when I wrote some months later. Right now,  I'm studying accountancy and my brother is almost done with school. 

I'm happy even though I can't forget and I can't give birth, but let me now tell you the main reason I wrote to you. My father has gotten better now, this happened two months ago, and my aunty was told but she couldn't tell me. Later, my uncle summoned the courage to tell me and again, I felt my pain. They said he's looking for my brother and I and really wants us back. They said he's now going to church and he always the first to arrive every Sunday. He had cleaned up our old house and has been taking care of it, and I see my very old wonderful dad I had always known,  back. Mr David, I'm totally confused. I can't even look him in the eye talk more of talking to him. How do I go back to him after all he did, after all I went through. This is totally beyond me and I don't know how to go about it, that's why I wrote to you. Please advice me through. 

David's thoughts... 

Hi Miss Kay, 

When I started Cupid, I believed it was God's divine idea to help people out there overcome what they're passing through in life. But when I started hearing stories that came to me in my mail, I had to go back to Him each time to ask Him, "Was this really Your idea, abi You dey whine me,  ni?" 😂 People's stories overwhelmed me and I realised this world has been a terrible place for some people to dwell in. You're a typical example of one of those people and I can't express how much respect I have for your courage to face life and your ability to choose to become positive in a world that have shown you the most cruelty. 

Kay, let me start by telling you that your courage can never be forgotten, you'll inspire a lot with this act of courage you've shown. Thank you so much for sharing and making people realise their world can never be ended unless they accept it themselves. 

I am going to tell you what I think you should do, but I would also encourage every reader to share their thoughts as well. So you may have to follow our social media handles and read up on comments below to hear what others have to contribute. 

I believe none of the things that happened before the pregnancy can be said to be your fault. I don't think it's your fault to love your father and choose to stand with him unconditionally, that's strength for me. I may not be able to do that. I'm sure an older you would realise you would have reported the first sexual harassment to authorities, but like I said, it's still not your fault. You believed what you thought best at your tender age and had no immediate counsel. It's too bad things went south but for you to have left your home, this makes me believe you understood at the age how bad it was, what he was doing to you. For every single thing you've been through, I need you to understand, you were not alone. Any other thing could have happened and taken your life, but you made it this far. As strong as you are, a force needed you to be here today. 

Your father did the unthinkable, he crossed the line in so many ways, I don't even know how to stay with him after all that. The fear, the pain, the agony, I can't just fathom the situation I'd have to face to stay with him. 

What I'll advice you is something I may not be able to do easily, but that's the truth. He didn't know himself, and I'm not sure he even remembers all he has done. If he does, I don't know what he'll be like, he may be completely broken as well. If he doesn't remember, then it'll all lie in your court, to either forgive, forget and not bring it up; or, tell him what he did and know his reaction. You really need to hear him out either way. Whatever the outcome is, forgive anyways, this would help you heal better. Let it all go from your heart. It's not easy, especially when this leaves with you everyday due to your inability to have a child, but you need to forgive him, not for him, but for yourself. 

Please before you can ever go close to him again, you guys have to watch him for probably one year to be sure he's completely fine. Mental illness takes time to heal, for those who do, some appear like they're getting better, but end up starting up again. So give it time. 

Kay, you're a unique being and I've never met your soul before. I just need you to maintain that notion, that you're a perfect creation, capable of accepting people, forgiving the unforgivable and being positive even when there's no hope. As a Christian, I think God has done an amazing work in your life pulling you through, keep walking in His path, who knows what tomorrow holds for you? Talk to Him everyday in prayers, to give you the will to go on and be strong. Thank you so much for writing, God bless you. 

Till next Friday on Cupid darling fans, don't forget to leave a comment for this young lady, see ya! 

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