I heard another story from a young lady who I got close to during one of my travels. She came to me in tears, she had cheated on her boyfriend who was not in town at the moment. I did my best to console her and bring her back to her lively self again, but she seemed to cry more uncontrollably. A part of me started to realise her act was not her sole reason for crying, so I had to ask if there was something more that happened. She opened up after a while of persuasion and she had a sad story to tell me. She said she had started sleeping with men when she was just 12 years old and the painful part is that she started off with her blood brother. One day she was sweeping through her uncle's room and found a CD plate without a title on it, it was just plain white. She got curious and decided she was going to play it later to know which movie it was, when her parents left for a meeting in the evening, she did play it. To her utter amazement, It was a porn video, she had never seen one before. She said she just stood still and kept watching, it was just new to her eyes at the moment and nothing more, but by the time she wanted to sleep that night, the thought of the video wouldn't leave her mind. She decided that night she was going to pick it from under that bed and watch again. By the time she was watching this porn the fifth time, it was no more feeling the normal way it used to, this time, she started having a strange feeling all over her. Before she knew, she was beginning to touch her vagina in the night before she slept and it had a nice feeling that came with it. Then one day, a cousin visited them and she was to sleep over. In the night, her brother came into the room and had the intention of having sex with her cousin, but as everywhere was dark, he ended up having her, his own sister. She said when he started, she wasn't just able to push him off, she tried, but her brother whispered "please" in her ears and for a reason she couldn't understand, she was overtaken by this strong urge and she let him go ahead. She said even amid the pain she felt, she still wanted more of him. At this point, my jaw had dropped. She said he didn't break her virginity though, but that was how she started her uncontrollable sexual rampage. Today, she cannot stay a week without sex, in her own words, "it's impossible".
Dear reader,
I've been thinking about this article for a long time and it's been difficult putting it together. When we lost Tina Uwa to rape, I was still quiet, I only made a little statement on my whatsapp status for followers who kept pushing me to state my thoughts on the issue. Today, I've decided to speak because my blog is not just here to gain followers but also impact. Over half the people I heard making a lot of noise at the time on twitter were doing it not because they really cared but because it was time to show themselves and gain more followers. How else would I explain the fact that someone would be done with a post and come down to the comment section to say, "please follow, I follow back asap", is that what your post was all about? Cheap hypocrites! Some of them had past tweets that were strongly against what they were saying in that moment, tweets where they almost supported a similar crime. I was also quiet because I wasn't sure I had heard all of Tina's story, not like any part of its remainder would justify rape, but at least, then I would be sure the extent to which I'd speak. I don't have the full story yet, so this post is not about Tina, it is actually about every human being out there.
There's something I always say which people are yet to understand. We have created a world with our "intelligence" and right now, we just don't know how to live in it. This world has become as crazy as we wanted, and now it's turning on us, worst part, it has become like a rolling ball, evolving everyday and only God knows what tomorrow holds.
Are you still thinking about those two stories I told earlier? I'm sure what has been bothering you has been, how are these stories connected to rape? At least maybe not the first one. Well, isn't it amazing how we don't care about the fact that every dog eats poop, we're only concerned about the stupid and probably psychopathic dog who left his mouth unclean and full of poop? We are all capable of the same crime we point fingers at if we don't honestly judge ourselves and take control over a few errors in our lifestyles. The difference between some people pointing accusing fingers right now and the rapists we know today, may be that they've not been caught yet, or when they were caught, their case was not exploded on social media.
If we really wish to manage rape, then that's not the job of influencers, social workers, and activists alone. That's your job, as well as its mine too and as we go down this work, I'll show you how.
Before I lay one more drop of ink on this paper, I must state some things clearly to avoid misconception.
I detest rape and everything that comes with it.
I am against the act, the perpetrator and any accomplice of any form.
No means No, I don't care how its said, or if the victim said it and slept or got high, as long as there was no Yes before the sex, the victim never consented and on that basis, sex after this is forceful.
There's ZERO excuse for rape, and nothing I'll mention here is an excuse for rape.
You meet a girl, I don't care what she said or did, you pull her down, beat her up and overpower her in every way, then in that moment when she's in tears, bloody, begging with her life, you have sex with her.
You drug her, and as she sleeps, you have sex with her without her knowledge.
She is so young and has no knowledge of what she's doing, and you take advantage of her.
She insulted you or she too dey show herself, dey wear short skirt to tell us say we no fit do anything, and you ganged up with your friends and raped her in turns.
All cases reversed in gender.
My question is, how do you in that moment of sex, derive joy and satisfaction in the tears, the fear, the pain and anguish? That's psychopathic! That's madness! That's a height of depletion of the mind. It's no ones business how another dresses, at least not your right to molest the person. It's a shame you can't be a complete human being for yourself and for others. On the case of a male perpetrator, you're a disappointment to the male generation. You claim to have a right when it's another person's sister you just raped, probably because she's dressed in a provoking nature, but you gear up to fight when your sister is in the same shoes. You looked a human being in the eye and watched her in pain as you derive joy from it, where's your conscience? Where is your heart? Where you that high not to understand pain, if your highness still let you know the right places to lay your punches and kicks, then you were able to see the pain she felt, you were able to hear her cry and plea.
If you are a female perpetrator, I ask you the same questions! Where is your shame?
A child you know when he/she was born, you were in the position to teach this child the right thing and lead the child through the right path, all you could do was take advantage of this innocence. What a shame! That's so low! You're unbearable to look at! Whether you're a boy or a girl using little children, there shouldn't be any pardon for gender when dishing out the legal implications. If you're partaking in any of these rape acts and you've not been caught yet, don't think you're smart, nature is giving you the opportunity to make a change or one day it would catch up with you.
I won't dwell in this a lot as all the tweets and write ups all this while have done justice to that. Let's get to what this article would be all about; a way to managing this situation so its persistence reduces to the very low.
Okay, let's go back to the stories. Maybe I made them up, maybe I didn't, that's up to you to decide which to believe. But in the first story, about the guy, I'm sure you felt for him as he was molested in the beginning, but I'm not sure how you felt when I mentioned he rapes a little girl that visited his house. Suppose you were the one that caught your little sister with this boy, would you really listen his story? Would you even believe it? Who cares? He raped a "5 years old! " Then he goes to jail. His help is still causing her harm and moving, till maybe she's caught one day. Who even knows the story of the help? Maybe she was the girl in the second story, who now has no other choice but to take it out on a little boy. Are you beginning to see why those two stories never left my mind? Because as we dig deep, we begin to realise that even the devil may have a sad story and not just what we believe. 😂
But before we start to think this way, to really search into the hearts of these villains of our stories today, then we must first accept love for humanity and not just be a judge of a crime. It's easier to put a criminal away, but harder to make sure these crimes don't come up again. Because then, you begin to consider how people are really structured differently, but are forced to coexist in the same habitat. We start realising that in order to accommodate people the way they are and even help in effecting a change in them, we may have to sacrifice a bit of our way of life so others won't find it harder to change their imperfections.
We live in a world where we can no more differentiate between good or bad, like they say today, "who made the rules anyway". We incline to behaviours that we obviously see its not right for us, we even see the health implications, but yet we have strange reasons to make ourselves believe it's right, as long as it makes us happy and comfortable. Let it be said that if we all should do what makes us happy and comfortable, then as weird as what a rapist does is, it could be allowed because it makes this person happy and comfortable. If we really wish to coexist, then we must find a way reshape, crush a bit of us, become principled to a way of life, in order to fit like cubes of sugar in a glass jar. We've found a beautiful way to defuse religion and even the beautiful things it stands to teach because people have been able to show their madness as usual to change the narrative. As a Christian, the Jesus story may not be true to the whole world, but the moral of that story if adhered to, can heal the world and there's nothing spiritual about that yet. I can nail two logs together and ask a barbarian to beat me up mercilessly and be nailed to it, that's not far from the suicide we commit today. But that's not the priceless thing about what Jesus did, it was the fact that He did that for the sake of others. Now that's worthy of emulation! But because our shepherds in the churches today go astray, we have decided to do away with this beautiful lesson that can keep us in harmony as humans... love for humanity.
Why am I talking about this and not rape? I am because in every other thing I would be saying, I need you not to think about pleasing just yourself anymore, and have love for humanity in your heart, then you would begin to understand why I gave this article the above title. I plead guilty because after a deep thought, I realised in one way or the other, I've encouraged someone out there to the act.
I always say, a rape is a crime as it is, but to control rape cases from geometrically increasing, then there are things we try to consider, and I repeat with every strength on the hammer, THESE ARE NOT IN ANY WAY EXCUSES FOR RAPE! A rapist should be judged and convicted of his crime, especially after reading this article. What I'm about to mention are strictly advices to the general public on ways to address our human behaviour if we wish to control this vice harming the entire society.
Science has been useful to prove that every human being is wired differently, and this includes our sexual urges. Some people are born naturally with high sexual urges, some come with easily controllable urges, while some sometimes need to be examined in the hospital as it seems they don't have urges at all. Personally, I belong to a class that could be found shaking like a drug addict when I'm on the edge, sometimes I end up crying for a long time and wondering what's wrong with me. I've met a guy who had gone 11 years without sex and it's not because he's spiritual. He even wishes to, but just don't get the feel even when with a woman. This is just to make you understand the disparities of sexual behaviour in humans which sometimes is affected by our hormones.
For a person with a high sexual urge, would it be right to display a porn for this person and then let him walk the street? Can you even give him too much to drink? In that moment, would it also be perfect to add a lady on a revealing style of clothing to the picture?
On the other hand, would it be wise for me as a person with high sexual urge to be watching porn or add any of the things I mentioned above to myself?
And to further tighten my knot on what I said earlier, many have been known to have very high sexual urges and not think of raping someone, talk more of committing the crime. So having high urges doesn't give you an excuse to force sex on anybody to relieve yourself, nobody is your sewage.
But if we agree we should have love for humanity in our hearts, then you'd have a bit of rethink:
When you decide to act a porn. There could be a little child out there who would watch this movie and become a havoc in his generation. I hope we are aware that we now have a category in porn sites titled, "forced sex", also "rough sex". Would you dispute the fact that this does not play a slight role in affecting the mentality of people, when we all agree that the mind is structured mostly by what it's fed with? There could also be a person with high sexual urges which you could push into high masturbation rate and subsequently high sexual drive. Am I against pornography, oh hell yea! Why? Not a story for today, maybe on another article. Again, if there's love for humanity in your heart, when you've observed you have a high sexual urge, why get yourself close to porn? Why the addiction? You need to quickly resist it and desist from it. Pornography doesn't give you a full satisfaction a consented sex can ever give you unless you have a mental breakdown. It in fact leaves you yearning for the real deal and therefore keeping you on a very short lived satisfaction. Doing this may lead you to hurt a human being out there, so why can't you end it, seek for a professional help and not hurt humanity. Learn to speak to your parents, it's understandable that some parents can be difficult to talk with, but you could take it up to a hospital around you if your parents don't make it easier for you. Listen, in this era, you have no excuse as to why you couldn't help yourself to avoid hurting another person.
When you dress up to leave. When I did the article, When the linen is at stake, I took my time to analyse the dress talk so I may not do much of it here. But I'll point out something, there's nothing positive you seek in a provoking dress code, that you can't get in a decent look. So if there's love in your heart for that uncle out there, who is doing his bit to be strong and overcome his problems, then you could adjust your looks to ease his troubles. Decency is not weakness, or out of vogue, it's a conscious consideration and sacrifice for the sake of others, and this is real strength. If there are more people out there who are poorly dressed, then there's a chance it could provoke his thoughts. It's just like a recovering alcoholic faced with no non alcoholic beverages, he may need a drink but what is before him is not what is meant for him. A recovering sex addict would still need a woman in his life, but naked women may affect his wound and concentration. Also, the fact that someone is poorly dressed is not in any way an excuse to touch her. Walk away from the sight, stay away from her touch. Put yourself in places where everyone can see you, don't stay close to a lady in the dark. You know you have an existing problem, don't put yourself in that position where you would find it difficult to control your urges and you'd have the right environment to force a sex if she disagrees. Being decent is not just for that uncle that is old enough to control himself, it's also for little Eric who sees your pants when you sit down, he would be wounded mentally from continuous sight of these nudity. I once found myself in a situation where a little boy was being beaten up vehemently. I asked what was wrong, they said this boy was telling his friend that aunty has a big breast. Apparently, aunty does not wear covering tops as she won't wear a bra as well. People saw this child as evil, I saw him as damaged mentally and needs help. He has seen something he can't "unsee". Tomorrow, if he goes off, it would all be his fault, but our little actions of comfort grew him into that path. If you're going out as a lady in a time, to a place or to see a person that you can't really tell it's nor his safety, why don't you dress up in a clothing that would give you at least the minimum protection. The whole world can step up for you when you get raped, to bring the perpetrator to justice, but none of that can change the damage that act has done to you mentally, emotionally or even physically. A rapist is not supposed to touch you, no matter what you wear, but so is a thief not supposed to touch your car even when you don't lock it, or your iPhone X even if you leave it on the table; it's in no way your fault! But you don't leave your car without locking up do you? Or maybe your iPhone as well? Or is your body not as important? Hold a pepper spray too if you can, it's not hard to make one for yourself.
Everything I said can be gender alternated.
When we make movies and TV shows. Celebrities would jump up against rape acts, but go back to fill their social media accounts with their nudes. It's difficult to find anything entertainment on TV right now without a sexual touch. Will kids watch Nickelodeon and Disney World everyday? What if we had good stories on TV as movies which the whole family can sit and watch together? Must the kids watch differently and the adults differently? In the name of realism, we make pornographic movies as home videos. I'm not saying we can't have movies with sex scenes for adults, but when there's a load of it out there, then we strike out the balance. Today, our kids are given smart phones at early ages, they have access to twitter and the madness that happens in there, instagram and facebook, they can't even absorb it right and fall into misconceptions. It's the celebrities with their accounts which are filled with stuffs that are most times misleading as its not their real lifestyle, these are the accounts these kids follow when they get on social media. Most of these things can be curbed by our celebrities and influencers who have a chance to create something wonderful and as well be good role models to growing kids for the love of humanity. This drastically reduces the sexual impression and the damage it does to the society. When everything around a child is sexually oriented, then he may become the best of it, which is the worst to the society.
When you light a smoke or take in lots of bottles of alcohol. Some people have come to believe that these things help them get the sexual thoughts off. But I believe that neither of them has been able to effectively solve any problem. You remain in your problem when the euphoria sets you free. Most times perpetrators who beat up a victim mercilessly before they rape this victim was not far from an illicit intake, but you still find people saying smoking can't make someone rape. Person A can smoke and not think about rape, true, person B may do the same and not think about it as well, but finds himself in a situation where he assumes a consent due to his high state and goes ahead to force a weaker victim. We can't also deny the fact that these chemicals take control of our psychology and denies proper sense of judgement. Again, if it is difficult for you as an addict to control yourself when you're not high, how do you think getting high would give you better control? Desist from smoking, hard drugs and excessive drinking, whether you're an addict or not. We are all capable of doing something heinous, you've not just given your body enough freedom to exhibit it's barbaric nature and these chemicals may just be all it needs to put you in that position.
Pay attention to this ladies!
Ladies, learn to say No and act on it. Say no, stand up and reach for another seat away from him. Further movement should lead you to the door with you talking in a raised voice. Not "Jerry I'll shout o", start shouting, be unpredictable, it scares a potential rapist.
Don't let a guy bring you into his room and start locking the door, especially when you don't trust this person enough,tell him you need fresh air. This is not to aid a rapist, this is for your protection. Again, we can put a rapist in prison but can't bring back probably your virginity.
Don't take a drink you didn't open, or leave your drink open to visit the bathroom, you could be drugged.
Don't take off your clothes in front of that brother or cousin or uncle, he may not see you the way you see him.
I was at a wake one night when I saw a group of people gathered and consoling a young girl of about 19 years. I got closer to know what was wrong and I was early enough to catch up with her story as she narrated to the neighborhood watch. She was apparently raped by four boys. She came to the wake with some female friends, then she left them to meet up with a guy she said she knew. According to her, she wanted to collect a song from his phone, then this guy asked her to come with her. They went away from the crowd and light, as she was leaving, her friends called her back, but she shunned them. Her closest friend added as she told the story immediately, "My anger is that I ran to you and told you to come back and you said I should leave you alone". They kept on moving until she got to an abandoned building with him and she was now getting scared and asked him to give him the song that she wants to go back. The guy asked her to kiss him, but she said she had a boyfriend and she can't, before the conversation could advance, three other boys came out of nowhere and they told both of them to shut up and move into the building. They tied her eyes and she couldn't see any other thing happening, but she knew they were four boys that assaulted her and that boy was among them. Take your advice from this story.
"Just hold me to sleep, no sex", a guy you just met! Haba na, will you die if you sleep on your own? Do you know if he's a recovering addict?
You may like a guy, but you're not ready for sex yet, don't start getting him too involved in caresses and sexual romance. Men would understand this better when I say it, it's harder to control when our tail is standing. It's a physical exhibition for men,which means, we actually keep having that strong urge until the penis finds it way back to normal, this is an actual biological fight for even a normal man talk more of an addict. So don't put men in that position where they become animals, for your own safety.
Generally...
Some ladies are the type that would say no, but would mentally want the man to work better in seducing her into it. So the no is not actually a dissent, but a partial approval for more hard work from the male counterpart. I've heard a friend tell me a story he experienced in his home in Lagos during holidays. Two people were caught having sex, and the girl burst into tears screaming the guy was raping her, but this guy who was fortunate to have a reasonable crowd attending to this case, was asked what happened and he said he agrees the girl said no, but when he started fondling with her breast, she was the one who fixed his penis in her vagina which made him feel like she wanted it. I wasn't there to tell the truth of this story, but this is not far from what can happen. You see a situation where a guy gets a no from a girl, he goes home and gets a text from this same girl saying, "so you're not man enough, I said no and you just left like that, you couldn't even try harder". You see, we've been fighting over the word, 'consent', and my question is, would you be there to see how everything happened to judge consent, or would it still be as described by the victim? These days we find people who wish to ruin someone's reputation, coming up with a story that unarguably goes against a supposed perpetrator and putting this person in serious jeopardy. Men, be men! Walk away from a no and go home. If you get such a message or an act of the sort, it doesn't make you weak.
Most men are grown with the ideology that they're strong enough to get whatever they want. It doesn't work that way in sex. Parents, you owe the male child the job of sexual orientation, just as you do for the female child. We can't keep leaving out our male children in this world of knowledge when at the end, they have to deal with it. A lot of men out there got their sexual orientation from older friends in school, internet or light readings. This is disappointing. Men have to deal with a bit of higher sexual urges than even the women, if a man is able to control himself, there may not be an aggressive sex, so why omit giving them this proper sex education?
Men, learn self control! I talked about this in my article, Catch Up with David and you'll need to read about what I said on it. But it's imperative that we understand the concept of control, it's a sacrifice for humanity, which teaches you that not everything you desire you can have. So you need to control yourself when a woman says she's not interested in you. She having sex with your friend and you did a lot for her and showed her love first; let me make you understand something, you made the choice for all you did, she didn't make those choices for you. As much as this is still not morally right from a woman, she had made her choice in who to sleep with and doesn't warrant your forceful engagement.
Parents showing affection in front of their kids is not wrong, as long as they don't move from little pecks on the forehead, lips or cheeks, to French kissing, holding butts and raising clothes. You see a situation where a man kisses his wife into the bedroom in front of the kids, now they all know what's gonna go down and that thought stays with them. Mother, don't take off your clothes in front of a male child, he's your child, but he's a male human being as well, this goes vice versa. Some families have limited rooms and due to this, have their kids sleeping next door and can hear everything at night happening in the matrimonial room. You could have the kids go to school and come back for it or create a particular time for your copulation, and not at night when one of them could be awake listening. One child once said, "in the night, I'll be hearing my mummy's bed doing swinki swinki" 😂, it's funny, but I hope he doesn't know what that means in a wrong way.
I can't end this without mentioning that the government, all agencies which see to human right and justice should put in more efforts in handling this situation. People don't need to scream on social media platforms before you can do your jobs, you should be on the lookout for such cases so as to reduce the environment created for such things to happen. I'll also beg, it's okay after a perpetrator has been convicted, to start admonishing a victim on precautions he/she should have taken to prevent such a case, but not to use it as a reason to absolve a rapist of his/her crimes. For instance, you can't set a rapist free or decline to follow up a rape case on the basis that the victim was indecently dressed. We can question the indecency later, but the criminal has to be apprehended. Also, social workers should enjoin as we raise the fight against this absurd events of today.
All this may be done, and yet a rapist would still be a rapist. But then, we wouldn't be prosecuting the criminal we built, we would have cleaned up our society enough to easily pick up our lose paper trash and put them in the trash can. Then there would be a difference between the sane and the insane amongst us. Then we would have a clear conscience to point accusing fingers. Then we would together lay a wonderful platform for our unborn children. None of these advices individually, can stop rape, but collectively they can help bring it to the least minimal. You may not care about that sex addict, psychopath, rapist or whatever you may choose to call him, out there. But you may be looking too far, your child who is keenly learning from your lifestyle you've refused to adjust, may be the next rapist tomorrow. So these words are said for ourselves and not just for a target group. Let's heal this world together.
Rape is a big concept, and I can never exhaust it in one article. If you followed me to this point, you're really concerned about this vice and really wish to impact. So I want you to take this message with you,
We can end rape, and we need to do it together. by living for each other. But he who is found guilty after we've sacrificed to keep us safe together, should be persecuted with our conscience very clear.
My ink needs to be refilled at this point, and I'd have to end here. Thank you so much for staying up with David, remember to lay out your contributions in the comment section. Criticisms are also welcome ☺.
So long dear reader, see you on my next article.
I was a bit raw in some of my expressions, this is in the bid to create the effect of the reality to the human mind. Please bear with me.
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