With all due respect...

Funnily enough, each time someone starts a statement with, "With all due respect... " somehow an insult seems to be respectfully laid out at the end, but hopefully that won't be my aim. Dear reader, I’m filled with words on this topic, but I choose to use a few wisely, so my points would be absorbed appropriately.

Feminism, the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities, this I suppose is its basic meaning. But I'm sure some people don't understand this word by this meaning, because it has been adulterated in so many ways to suit a society or even a person's style of life. A lot has been written, debates held and even organizations formed based on this fight, but the view is still not clear. I don't wish to go into history because it won't really remedy this situation, but I'll briefly state this, feminism is a concept for oppressed women in a society. Women who are denied the right to live like human beings because of the simple fact that they are women; education, social recognition and even political ambitions are robbed off them because they are considered feeble. Now my questions are; Are you oppressed? Is anyone denying you of your basic rights? Have you ever desired school and someone said you can't attend? Is there any profession anyone made a stand that you can't go into it? If there is a yes to any of these questions, please contact proper authorities who fight for the right of women in the society.

In the western world today, I believe there's a good level of equal rights existing in so many countries, we just have cases in Muslim countries, African countries and a few Asian countries, due to religious beliefs, but with respect to Nigeria, I believe 80% of women in this country are not withheld in any way. Why exactly I'm I stating all this? Feminism has been propagated in so many wrong ways by women that it's beginning to destroy more than serve. Women came with the notion that men have more privileges than women because we seem to own more wealth and most violent crimes such as rape affect women a lot and are propagated by men. The first point is obviously nullified the minute you bring in Folorunso Alakija, Genevieve Nnaji, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala and a host of other women. When you bring in rape as a terrible thing that happens to women then you leave me with a few questions in my head. How many men are in prison? How many are victims of social violence? How many die in the war? How many commit suicide? I'm only saying, both sexes suffer terrible things and rape cannot be lined up as a point for debate.

Now I hear feminism in marriage, I started asking for its definition because I realized it sounded different from the one I seemed used to. I heard women are fighting for equal rights with men, that men should be able to do women's job in a family, probably since they've started doing men's jobs as well. Oh lady! Salt of the earth, wisdom of the old, beauty of the stars. You keep fighting everyday to be accepted, to be adored, to stand out, to rule and control, but I'll break it down to you in a few words, you are perfect! Honestly, you've got everything. A man was created, but after, he was given a woman, that should tell you something, a man was not perfect, you were! You perfected the creation of man. So why do you fight what you're already greater than?

Marriage is a union between two people, but what we keep forgetting is that these two people saw the good and bad in themselves, agreed to help each other become better, so as to grow a wonderful family. But then when people walk into a marriage, after all the fancy promises, elaborate spending and luxurious weddings, they seem to forget the part where they knew each other's faults. Before I get down to that part, let's see if we can understand this aspect of assigning duties in a marriage. 

Woman look at your body, honestly you're a fortress, a perfect container. Take a special look at your chest, that's nature saying, don't ever let your family go hungry. Man, look at your body, even without attention to the gym, you're built strong. That's nature simply saying, don't let any harm come to your family and tear down the tress to find what your woman needs to keep the family from hunger. If you're wise enough, of which I'm sure you are, you would understand the core job roles here. But then if we keep it this way in a 21st century family, then things can't move, because sometimes the work becomes too heavy for each side to carry alone, and there comes love. When there is perfect understanding and true love, then you would realise that helping each other is the only way out.

Where do I have a problem? You can't impose your core roles to the opposite partner, that is where the problems in marriages set in. An accountant in a bank does anything he can to bring in money for the bank, a job likened to that of the manager and every other staff in the bank, but an accountant cannot sign in a space provided for the manager, or issue policies that would help the branch, it has to be the manager himself. What am I saying, no matter how you try to help each other, there would always be roles that are primarily meant for you as a woman or a man. You can only agree to switch these roles amicably, but to impose yours on your partner, you're wrong. If a man decides he cannot cook for the family, but he provides sufficiently, woman, leave him alone, that's your primary duty. Sort it out for yourself. He's playing his core role, so play yours. If you're also providing for the family, that was your choice of helping out, you can as well decide not to, let him manage his roles by himself. The worst part is where you fail in your primary duty because you're trying to do his own job, which he's doing perfectly (if he's not then it's understandable and you need a counselor).
The major factor that brings about this problem is comparison. A woman sees a man doing the cooking in another family and her husband becomes a useless man, even when he provides enough for the house. The 21st century rule did not say men must do women's jobs, it said husband and wife should help each other. This is pertinent because most times I hear this concept of feminism as it pertains to marriage being discussed, I find myself laughing. I only seem to hear more privileges that should be given to women, what about the men? If you're certain you want him helping you out in all your roles as a woman, then be ready to do things like having a job or two, paying fees, paying rent and so on. Don't ask what the man now does, because he's very busy, he's washing clothes, doing dishes, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, and making sumptuous meals... I heard that's quite a lot these days.

My dear women, pride of the world, the glory of sunrise, you really want to be a 21st century woman, what you need is not to delete your core jobs as a woman, what you need is to learn those of a man and add to them, and just like you've come to notice, it's not easy. You've got to go through school, gain good grades, add the mentality of a provider to yourself. You start thinking of ways to make money and sustain it for more than just yourself. Your attention to frivolities has to drop because you've got a lot to deal with. You know why you're doing all this? Because your man is out there becoming a 21st century man. To everything he has to learn as a provider for a family, he also starts to learn how to take care of a home in details, cooking, washing, running errands and so on. With this you'll realise that when you both meet, nobody would actually feel tasked. Career woman, remember your husband has a career as well, but it never stopped him from performing his duties in the home.
Women don't be too lazy, nothing can be achieved with that character. A man makes money, but marries a woman, a mother to be precise, not money; so when you let money solve all your problems, assuming it can, then you have no worth to your husband. Before you decide to go into marriage, make sure you're prepared for it, the part you cannot learn before you marry, get a partner that is willing to continue the education during the marriage.
I cannot put down my pen without a word to my fellow men. It is unforgivable that a woman decides to build herself so well, give herself to you in marriage and you treat her like anything less of a woman that she is. These days you hear a mother say to her son, "Harry please be fast and get married so you'll stop washing these clothes by yourself". This is a very wrong mentality to teach young male children, marriage does not alleviate chores for a man, if that's the case, find labourers. As a married man, you should be able to at least pick up a broom ones in a while, sweep the house, get a bucket of water and mop the floors of your house. Who says it's weakness when a man does the dishes or washes his kid's clothes? Whose clothes or dishes are they by the way? Some animals in the forest? Remember the things you do for your family are what you do for yourself as well, please there is no shame at all. Stop carrying your shoulders high when you can't wash your own underwear, someone has to do it for you all the time.

To both of you, everything you do in a family your children are bound to emulate, so you choose the concept of feminism to teach them.

I guess the dog has to go back to his leash, if you felt insulted or ill treated by my words in any way, I'll let you in to a fact, in all my articles, no one is safe before the end, but at the end, you'll realise it was all for good. With all due respect, I plead my retirement.

So long wonderful reader...   😊