This Friday on Cupid...

Dear David, I saw your ad about Cupid and I decided to write to you, I’m doubtful you will solve my problems but I have no one else to talk to. I am a Ghanian who resides in Nigeria cos I have a Nigerian mother. What I am about to tell you is a story you have to really calm down, put yourself in my shoes, before you answer.

It all started when I was 17, I met him in my SS3, and I can’t forget that day. He was wearing a black jean and red polo with the face cap I stole from him years later. David, he is everything I need in a guy, I won’t just share my list. I made a promise that I would not have anything with a guy till I was done with secondary school, but since I was already in the last class, when he asked me out, I jumped in. All was rosy, yes we didn’t get to see all the time cos I was in a boarding school, but the minute I was back home, he’d show up on my doorsteps when my parents are out. We kept on this way till I was done with secondary school then I gained admission in the same university he was in. He is from a poor home, and it was when I came into the university and moved into his room that I realized how difficult it was for him as a student. He paid his fees himself and was fighting to feed every day, plus he had handouts and other school troubles to worry about. My parents are not so wealthy, so I barely had enough for myself, talk more of some for him, but I still shared everything I have with him. He did the same too, don’t get me wrong, he really loved me to the bones. He could sacrifice anything for my sake and his whole department and mine knew both of together before my second year.

One day, we were in a cybercafé, we were done with what we came for and was about leaving. I turned around to check if I left anything behind, but I looked just in time to see him lifting someone’s phone from his jacket. I behaved like I never saw anything and kept quiet, waiting to see his plan with the phone. Then two days later, he came back to the house that day with bags of foodstuffs and bought yogurt for us to share. After making food that day, we ate it together and drank the yogurt, but he noticed I was looking really worried, so he asked. After a while, I told him I saw him steal that phone two days ago and I need him to tell me what he did with it. He looked so pained and told me the truth, he is a thief, long story short. He has been surviving by stealing from people, selling the stolen items and solving his financial needs. He pleaded in so many ways that I should please understand him and forgive him but not until he gave me this logic did I have a second thought. He told me that some people actually have more than enough, but they can never give to people who don’t have. Now he takes from them and within some days they would just replace the items, therefore he doesn’t actually take away anything from them. You know what David, I didn’t just understand him and forgive, I told him I would steal with him, since we did everything together. So I became a thief! We were good at it by the way, sometimes I would distract while he steals, other times, the roles reverse. This started in my 200 level by the way, so in my 300 level he came with another genius plan.

“So it’s simple, we would just cover our faces and act it, or we can edit the video to cover faces, this would make us serious cash. No one would ever know it’s you, you’ll even see the video before we upload it”. Yes, it’s what you’re thinking; porn! So I agreed, we made the first one and it was good like he said and we uploaded. I forgot to mention we were already having sex.

Before my service year ended, I had acted in over 10 videos with him, had 3 abortions and stolen from uncountable number of people. Well, we had never had any relationship problem, even for one day, we always sort out our problems whenever we argued.

My boyfriend is now working by the way, in a good job, driving a nice car and living in a nice apartment; I am working a good job myself and have my own apartment. You can say, we made it. I had two more abortions though and made some more videos with him, but by this time, we had stopped all our crimes. We were “growing up” and doing better… but then came trouble.

It was my 27^th birthday in 2 weeks and I noticed he was a bit distant from me. He always missed my calls, and had plenty excuses for it, he wouldn’t call less I did, his line is always busy on another call around 9:30pm. My guts were spiking up, there was something up. A day to my birthday, I went over to his place since he won’t even invite me over and we never spent birthdays apart; I nearly died in shock, he was with another lady and the scenario is not something I can’t type, I don’t like remembering the details. I left the house immediately and I cried all the way home. He came over the next day and I let him in to hear me out, at least, this was the first time it ever happened between us. He was in tears but by the time I heard what he had to say, my tears were more. After my last abortion, the doctor told him that my womb had been complicated and won’t be able to carry a fetus again, but he never told me, he didn’t know how to tell me. He said he was very sorry and can’t marry a woman without a womb.

David, six days ago I had a bottle of sniper in my fingers and was ready to gulp all of it, but I still don’t know why I didn’t. In the evening of that same day I saw your ad on my phone and decided to write to you. I am a good girl from a good Christian home, and everything I did for the past 10yrs, I did it for this guy. He is my first man and the only man I’ve known all my life. You say you’re here to solve problems, go ahead and solve this one.

                                                                                                                                

                                                                                                                            From Accra, Ghana.

David's Thoughts...

My dear one, up till writing this, I still don’t know how exactly I feel about your story. I will start by telling you this, I can never put myself in your shoes, because no matter how hard I try, it would never fit. I can’t ever understand fully the depths of what you feel, and in fact, no one can, but I am not here just to understand how you feel, but to make you feel better. I smiled at your last line because I realised in that moment what people see Cupid for, but as much as my way of handling these problems is not what you think, at the end, that’s the goal though.

Lady, the reason why people go into depression is mostly because they think about things they’ve done, but forget things they’ve not done. You are going through a major psychological breakdown and I can understand this could be terrible to handle, but you have to realise there is more to life than what you have been through in 10yrs or what you have lost after 10yrs. I will first recommend a professional help to get you through your depression, then secondly a complete change of environment. From your story, I feel you have let go of this guy and not willing to fight for him, and this is good news. Do not fight for that guy anymore, let him go, nothing lost is won in a fight, and instead, more is lost. The more you try to get him back, the more depressed you become.

You asked why you couldn’t drink that sniper, I wish to remind you when you said you’re a good Christian girl, so I believe you can relate when I mention the name God. He called you back, you deserve a second chance in life. You have everything He needs to make a difference in this world. Let me tell you five things I can believe you have, determination, a loving heart, strength, smartness and a beautiful way of words. The way you wrote your piece, I liked it and you could be a good writer. What am I saying? Find a course! Out of darkness comes light! You are an imperfection seeking perfection and that is true, but we all are you see. There are so many out there who could go through a similar fate as yours, some are already in it, and these people need you. Dedicate your life to walking people through better paths in life, tell your story. Live for all the kids out there who don’t know the next thing to do with their lives. Live for those people who don’t know how to make the best choices in relationships. Your scar would never heal, but you can change the way people see it. I cannot promise you another man who would marry you, neither can I promise you the miracle of your own child in your life, but I can tell you that even without these beautiful things, your life is still worth living.

Sometimes as Christians who have done so many bad things, we always wonder if God would ever look at us again even when we pray, we doubt His forgiveness and we resign our fate to hell. But you see, in those moments, we always seclude the fact that we are still alive to start with, if He was tired of you, if He had given upon you, you’d be dead by now. Every day you wake up and breathe, that is God saying, “Here’s another chance daughter”, and you have to take it. When you sin, you break down the walls that shield you from hell, but with good deeds every day, you build back that wall, brick by brick.

Your story is my story and everybody’s story, we are all fighting battles, and we all have scars. I will recommend you read one of my articles on this site titled Scars, you may find a thing or two to learn. It will never be easy, but don’t think about the long run, make a decision every day to be better and be happy and remember you are God’s pride.

To our scars that would never heal, let’s smile.

See you next Friday on Cupid… so long dear reader!

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