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This Friday on Cupid...





Hi David, I am 30 years and from Cross River state. I want to firstly thank you for this platform you have and I am hoping it would remedy my problem.
I met this guy when I was still working in a company different from where I am now. This guy is wonderful, he is everything I need in a guy. I was having issues with my former place of work and he was the one who got me where I am working now which pays me better. I am 30, which makes it obvious that I have been having difficulties getting a husband. This issue makes me have sleepless nights, but this guy has given me some hope at least.
Last two weeks, I realised I felt different health wise and I decided to go for a check-up. I discovered I am pregnant. I was shocked as he uses a CD each time, but yet this happened. I went ahead to tell him and at first he was trying to make sure I didn’t have anything to do with another person. But after he now told me what scattered my brain. Do you know that all this while, this man had a wife and children? He is legally married but I never knew. He’s saying that he wants to divorce his wife for me, and that he has been having problems with her and he has found everything he wants in me. He said I should just give him time to get her to sign papers in court and he would get us another house where he will live with me and get married as well. I believe his words because he has only lied about his family but nothing more since we met a year ago. He has also been initiating plans of marrying me before this happened. He is also not asking me to abort the child, he said he wants it. I cannot even abort the child because I have done one before and I swore I was not going to ever in my life again try it. But I don’t know how to watch him divorce his wife. I’m just trapped, I am ashamed of myself right now because I am well-known in church and I don’t know how to carry a pregnancy without being married.
My friend who has been following your blog David’s Mind requested I write to you as she too is confused. Please sir, what do I do?
From Calabar.

Hi!
I don’t really know where to start, but I think I’ll first say, calm down and relax, all is well. I think the force that drove you to this point is desperation. I have always advised young ladies, yes biologically, there is a most suitable time frame to get married, of which there are other advantages attached, but I believe every human being deserves a life first before marriage. Marriage is an integral part of living, but living is more important than marriage. What am I saying? You can’t kill yourself when you can’t find a marriage partner, in fact I believe that when you become desperate, it’s either you make a grave mistake, or marriage won’t find you. I think if you had paid more attention you would have found out that that man was married. Nonetheless, the mistake has been made and I am sure you know its gravity.
Any man that divorces his wife to remarry another one, is 95% probable of divorcing again. Divorcing his wife may not be the problem, but keeping you after marrying you is what you should worry about. Have you asked him about the issue between him and his wife? Are you sure who is at fault? Remember you Bible says, what God has joined together, no man shall put asunder, God joined that marriage, be careful not to destroy it. If he wants to divorce his wife, then let him do it on his own terms and not on your account.
About your pregnancy, I think you already know what to do. You have to keep it and not just for him, but for yourself. You may have a baby out of wedlock, but that’s your baby, that’s your life. You would never be proud of how you got here, but you have to be proud of your child and whatever he/she becomes tomorrow. If you go to church because of what people say, then you shouldn’t be a Christian in the first place. Focus on Christ and forget what people say. God sees your heart, knows your mistakes and it’s up to Him to grant you His eternal forgiveness in His infinite mercy.
Lastly I’ll say this, you’re not damaged, you’re not lost, and your problem is not even the worst. But the way you choose to see a problem is what determines what you can make out of it. You’re a Christian, and I won’t fail to remind you that within all these, you went against God. Don’t spend your time wailing and hoping for forgiveness, as that is not what He would expect from you. Instead, make a decision to stick with Him from now on, you need Him to get through this trial.
Thank you for choosing Cupid, God bless you.

Comments

  1. Unknown18 October 2019 at 20:43

    God bless you for such a wonderful piece. Indeed, the intensity of a problem depend on how you define it .More grace to do more

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown18 October 2019 at 22:06

    First of all,we all need to stop living our lives just to impress others because most times the people you're trying so hard to impress aren't paying attention . It's a norm in this part of the world that women are supposed to be married at a particular age thereby raising blood pressures, causing depressions, and making women more desperate.
    As human beings,once we become desperate, we're bound to make mistakes, you've already made the mistake,you cant afford to make another by breaking up what God has joined together . Live your life without desperation and enjoy the gift

    ReplyDelete

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