Acrimony Digest

I was filled with so much emotions just as you were at the end of the movie, “Acrimony”. I ended up clueless with a million questions running through my head. I had to resee……… and resee. Oh! And after two weeks I saw it again. It was at this point the clues in the movie started becoming clear. I am not sure what made you click to read but I promise your time would be worthwhile. 

The story in the movie was a somewhat one-sided story told by a DERANGED woman. Deranged was synonymously described by the Tyler Perry with words like insane, mad, disturbed, unbalanced, unhinged, unstable, irrational, crazed, demented. These words all point towards an extreme psychological imbalance and anchor the reason why she used a callous language in telling the story. The story was also a bit one-sided like I said earlier; this is because we never saw the whole story from Robert’s perspective. What could have informed some of Robert’s actions? What did he feel throughout the story? Or was he just a lying, cheating bastard as described by Melinda?  So it’s okay to try to ascribe faults to either partner at the end, but would that be the best approach? 

Hence this digest... 

When seeing the movie Acrimony, I observed some words that were explained at some points. I came to understand that Tyler Perry was trying to pass a message and this would incite my first point. 

Emotions 

I want you to first understand emotions better, because it is only then you’ll know why Tyler Perry recognized some of them in the course of events.

Emotions are like living beings, that is why when they take over you, they tend to change who you are or how you appear to people completely. Poor control of negative emotions will turn you into a devil just by affecting your psychological balance.

Acrimony:  this was the first emotion mentioned. Generally, this means angry or bitter feelings but was described further with synonymous words in the movie such as, ill feeling, bad blood, spleen, malice, venom. Understand something here, the feeling of anger and bitterness (acrimony) affected Melinda’s tone and language while telling her story. The story in the movie was a normal love story of ups and downs in a typical human life. It would have been a “happily ever after", if only it ended that way. 

Acrimony as a living being had always been haboring the life of Melinda and was like a time bomb, just waiting to explode. It takes a special kind of anger to ram a car in a bid to kill. Most people who saw this movie have this being living in them, that's why they easily jumped into conclusion that it was all Robert’s fault. We need to watch the way we let out anger or keep in anger, both are dangerous to us and people around us. It could be natural to find yourself with a problem such as ill temper, but if you already know this is your problem, then there is hope. All you require is control. Think before you speak and remember it is okay to let out something wrongly, just apologize profoundly. 

Notice words in red letters in the definition of acrimony in this movie; anger, bad blood, malice, venom. Check up their meanings, you'll realize that anger led to bad blood, this led to malice and then graduated to venom. That’s a message on the quick transition of anger and the damage it can cause.

Sunder:  split, separate, divide, break apart, these were synonymous words used to describe the feeling of sunder, which all geared towards parting two people joined together. On a higher scale, acrimony led to sunder. When Melinda let acrimony take over her, she became a new being who could not contain Robert anymore. Be it known to you that it was not what Robert did that made her seek for divorce, she was only controlled by a new feeling. (rewatch 1: 16: 48). 

Many married partners today find it so easy to knock on the doors of divorce. When you are married, do not bear the option of divorce in mind, if you do, you will accommodate emotions that would aid you towards it. As much as some problems in marriage can be frustrating, seeking for the best wisdom to manage them is highly essential. No marriage is easy but divorce is not always exactly the solution….. well, Melinda got hers, did it solve the problem? Another being found her...

Bewail: “ To express great regret, disappointment or bitterness over something”.  You want to know what made Melinda so mad when Robert finally made it? Great regret! Some people kept on saying, “she should have just taken the money and everything else and gone away”. It wasn’t all about the money for her, there was an emotion that filled her when she spent it all on him and that was love. Love made her persevere no matter what, but now she regrets letting this emotion go and this new being control her. 

Dear reader, love is boundless and there should be no conditions for it, especially in marriage. Most people go into marriage with a preconceived limit of what they can bear before they would walk out of it. This is wrong. The minute you give up on love in a marriage, bewail must follow. You may not get to do what Melinda did, but it would cost you a fraction of who you are. You may end up regretting marriage and advising people against it. 

Deranged:  insane, mad, disturbed, unbalanced, unstable…

Two things I believe got Melinda to this point were:

Smoking: Melinda was a smoker and I am sure it would not have been helping her positively. Even though there was a disorder that she was suffering as mentioned by the psychologist ( border-line personality disorder), it is easy to say the smoking could have gotten her to that point. A lot of married partners smoke and this should be managed properly. Narcotics can play a big role in inciting violence, sometimes indeliberately. So many cases have been reported of a man mutilating his family members under the influence of narcotics. Now we learn better. 

Meticulosity: how could she be remembering every dime she spent? That’s quite detailed. I know what you’re asking, is that bad? I’ll teach you something. Its good to be meticulous or remember to the tiny details things that happens in your life, but when in a marriage, watch it! Don’t keep record of all the good you’ve done or all the bad your partner has done. When you do this, at a point you lose track of the good deeds of your partner, and that would be inconsiderate. This case is more associated with men,  the fact that you provide in the family does not mean you have to keep record of all of them. It is worse when your partner does wrong and you start counting all your blessing and sacrifices on him/her. You can be detailed in remembering your beautiful moments and the good things your other partner has done for you, this keeps you stronger together. Again when you keep a lot of details upstairs, remembering them at a moment of anger tends to worsen a situation. When something has gone into the past don’t always let it back. You remember Melinda kept following Diana’s social media accounts, she was dwelling on the details and it was growing her grudges for Robert. She could have looked away. When you keep holding on to grudges it would give room for the next emotion to come in.

Inexorable:  unforgiving, relentless, merciless, pitiless etc. This is the final stage acrimony will place you in, which is a very deadly stage. At this point it is hard to hold back from doing something harsh enough to vanquish your anger. Sometimes this stage can drive you crazy, hence her disorder. Again, learn to let things go. 

You may be asking at this point, is this writer saying everything was Melinda’s fault? What do I even expect from a male writer? I am not in any not in any way looking into faults yet; I am trying to set out the things we ought to have learnt. The movie, Acrimony was bounded on emotions. Everything that happened to Melinda could happen to anyone who cannot control emotions no matter how hard it gets. Honestly, in marriage, you’ll be tested above your limits and it only takes a solid control of the beings that try to take over you, to be able to keep being yourself. That thing you call a limit has been forgiven and accepted by another person, you’ve just not heard stories. 

A lot of people who saw the movie were ascribing faults, others even believed that Robert never loved Melinda… "Acrimonians"... lol. 

I'll start with the latter... 

 Remember I said, the story in the movie was a bit one-sided and told with a callous, impolite language, that’s why it is difficult to tell if Robert had any feelings for Melinda. Amidst the attention given to Melinda in the movie, Tyler Perry left some points for us in the movie to understand Robert's emotions a bit. Before you can accept that Robert truly loved Melinda, you have to let go of the anger and bitterness you feel for him. Here are some references points in the movie that would jerk you mind... 

• Do you recall how Robert felt at Melinda's grandman’s funeral? Do you recall how he got to her place, he walked a distance to be covered by a train. 

• Robert cheated, true, he came back and apologized. He was a young boy who started living alone since he was 14, no mother and a father in prison. It is possible that being graced with a car for the first time in his life, he may sway off a bit. I am not making reasons for him, but this is a possible reality. He pleaded and promised to marry Melinda forever, which he did. Eighteen years he never cheated. Rewatch 40:41, Robert said to Diana, "I do not cheat on my wife, this is strictly business."

• Robert was too concentrated on his career he lost affection for his wife. This was so wrong of him and viewers should learn from this. We have a lot of career men and ladies in our society today, if you decide on marriage, then you must learn to balance your marriage and your work. Robert was not helping enough by getting a job that would relive Melinda. It contributed largely to her ill feelings even though he tried doing some odd jobs from time to time (At 38:30). What I’m about to say is not enough justification for Robert’s inconsideration, but he did everything just to fulfill his promise to his wife. I’m saying it’s not enough reason because Melinda never saw that side of him so clearly as she was tasked with a lot of responsibilities. But recall the videos he made for Prescott. When Diana watched them, what moved her was that in each of the video, Robert kept on talking about his wife which he loved so much.

• Rewatch 1: 00: 09-1:00:02 
• Rewatch 1:09:15, pay attention to what Robert picked up before he left. 
• Robert never called after he left Melinda, 1:10:42-1:10:59 explain that. 
• Before Robert signed the divore papers rewatch 1:13:08 and listen to his pain. 
• Rewatch 42:30-44:40, feel the passion from both partners. 

• After Robert made it, what was the first thing he did? Rewatch 1:23:00, listen to what he was thankful for. Before he could even talk much, listen to what Melinda said first at 1:22:20 "we're are never getting back again". This begs the question, if Robert never made it, would Melinda have come back for him? Bear it in mind, she moved on with her life first before Robert. 

If I am to place any faults at all then I will attack her sisters, especially Brenda. Did you realized that most of the things Melinda did for Robert, including sticking to him throughout the marriage amidst his faults and misfortunes were partly in the bid to prove her sister wrong? Melinda has a thing with being right, watch her last conversation with the psychologist; she’ll go to any length to prove it. Her sisters knew all these things about her, including her emotions, but yet abandoned her all alone to them even at her tender age. Brenda knew very well who her sister was and what she could do, but yet she went ahead and showed her Diana’s purse without even confronting Robert as a mature person. There are many like Brenda, they can't control the way they handle a situation that concerns a marriage. They value proving your opinion right or telling a truth over the havoc it could cause. There is always a better way of handling a truth before speaking, especially in dicey situations. 

Persistence is another theme found in the movie. Robert was really persistent on his dream, even though his route was not courageous. He never fell short of what he wanted as his dreams . Prescott already tagged him a psycho, but that wouldn't stop him.  We viewers should learn from this. Persistence is not just the act of not giving up, but also knowing your worth and the worth of your goal and holding on to it as the reason for not giving up.  From another angle, we could learn to be persistent on marriage. When we easily look for a quit in a way of divorce, we may lose something that was worth it after all.

So my dear reader, Acrimony is not a movie to assign faults, it is my story and yours. We all share in the guilt and Tyler Perry told that story so we would all learn from it. He tried to portray it’s extremity if we don’t curb those things we call little faults. When a little fault is pulled beyond its limits, it becomes a big one. Emotions are who we are and capable of possessing, but realization of the life around us and who we are meant to be, guides us to posses the right emotions. 

I know it has been a long journey here with me and I hope  your time was worthwhile. But at this point, I must say thank you for reading. So long!    😊