My Father’s Last Words

                Dear reader, I would rather not bore you with what my family looked like, but we could easily be described by a Nigerian as “just there”. Good thing was, I had great parents who indifferently treated us differently but with a common goal. My mum was the bad cop in most cases of misconduct, while my dad was the good cop who talks you to confession. My mum had wonderful words of wisdom, but I think a part of her believed more in the rod. Listening to my dad’s words everyday made them subconsciously stick into my head.

                Well, the bed was not all rosy, but it was pink at least, until the ailment struck…yea, it got my dad. He was taken everywhere we could get professional help to restore him, but it seemed we needed to pay a higher price for his life as days went by. He was to be flown to India for advanced medication. I was waiting for the traditional Nigerian youth service at this time, and I had just few days before my departure to my camp. A night before I left, my father woke me up from the bed and said,”Ebuka, wake up. I have a few words for you.”

                I am going to share the discussion we had that night and I implore that as I engage you through these words he said to me, try to envisage the scenario. A part of him knew he was not going to make it anymore; his tears that night was evidence enough, but I tried to look past the tears and heartbreak and get his message.

“Your mother and I have done a lot to see that you, our children do not lack anything in this world”, he started. “Your mother especially had always given up everything she had to make sure you guys went to good schools. We did all this because of the love we have for all of you and also for you to understand that you are the reason why our lives makes any sense. It would be of total regret that any of you becomes wayward or useless in life, so in as much as we have educated you, I still have these words of wisdom to share with you because passing six, is not passing sense”.

“As my firstborn, you are my first joy and the leader when I am not there”, he continued in his deep tone. “All your siblings would always look up to you, so whatever you do, they will always emulate. Wisdom and patience should always be your strength and God is the only source of both. In the world of today, people choose to make life easier for themselves by believing the non-existence of God, but God remains as real as heaven and hell. Never abandon him in whatever you do and whoever you become. If you go down in sin, stand up again and look up to Him. If He gave you a day to breathe, then live a life that tells him how grateful you are. Don’t spend all your time trying to find a pattern for your life, God has already done that, just find Him”.

“Your mother and I had always told you this when you were growing up, anywhere you are and whatever you do, always ask yourself, what do people say that I am? This question would always keep you conscious of yourself and aware of mistakes. It should guide your actions and always purify your decisions. It may sound like this particular advice would encourage pretence in what you do, but not being self-aware and conscious of how much damage you have done to your character and probably another’s, would be a worse challenge”.  

“Take this seriously, don’t ever depend on anybody for anything, if anyone decides to help you, accept it with your whole heart and thank the person. As you wax for success, people will come to you with promises of helping you succeed. They may even give you their contact and take yours promising with their hearts they would help, it will shock you that even when that person is very much related to you, he could disappoint you. It would shock you more when you put all your hope in this person and wait on him/her to gain what you wish for. Ask for help when you need one, but don’t place all your hope on that help, keep working hard. Some people don’t disappoint you deliberately, coincidence knows how to ruin a day”.

“Do unto others what you wish them to do to you. You know this has always been my principle of life, but I’m sure you never knew why. I never had all the wealth in this world like my mates, but I had one thing I cherished so much, a peaceful mind. When you live a life looking out for others, your mind is always free of guilt and you’ll always sleep like a baby. Don’t hurt people because you’ll hurt God. Don’t even join those hurting people or stay where plans are made to hurt people, you all share the same punishment. Do the right thing, say the truth, side the right fact, no matter the cost. If you stay one place, what would harm you would stay one place as well. Always be in the right place at the right time, a lot are in jail because of this simple mistake. Correct a friend when he is wrong, don’t aid him by siding him. Have as many friends as you wish, but also know they bring you more trouble because, he that knows you best, kills you best. Your family would always have your back better than a friend, at least this is 80% true”.

“Nothing good comes easy, so if you are working towards a direction and you meet a lot of stress, difficulty, frustration, don’t worry, you are on the right part. Self-discovery is not a day’s job, it takes even years. You could start up something, you try to run it and it fails, don’t be scared to try another strategy. If you don’t try, you fail, but if you keep trying, you have hope. Stay clear from illegal things, I may not have been rich, but I have never been locked up in a prison and nobody has ever called me a thief. My integrity and respect remain untouchable. Look for ways to impact in people and you will always be grateful you did. Always believe in yourself because I know you, you can get whatever you want if you work towards it”.

“These things I’ve thought you, teach your siblings, carry them along. This sickness keeps disturbing me, but in you (all of us), I’m sure I’ll live forever”, he concluded as tears filled his face.

                I consoled him that night, but found myself being consoled two months later…he passed away.

One may ask, how come you just remembered every word, its only clear your father has never woken you up in the middle of the night to speak to you, or probably you neglect his words. Every word sank into me, even deeper when he died. My father was just a civil servant before he died, in fact, he was struggling to earn monthly. But during his burial, I was amazed at what I saw. He was buried like a king, his burial was so pronounced that weeks after he was buried, people were still talking about it and describing it as the burial of a chief in the village. The visitors that came on that day, I couldn't even recognize all of them but they all knew me and my siblings so well. Everyone was saying the same thing, "Your father was a good man, he has made a big impact in my life". At that moment, it felt like I never knew my father all this while. I always thought low of him because we were never rich, but he was a great man in the eyes of the world.

Well, that was my father... What about you, my dear reader? What have you chosen today for yourself? How do you choose to be remembered? What do you crave most for in your life? Death is a sad reality for all of us, it's up to us to live by what you will be known for.

I choose to listen to my father's last words...