Domestic Violence.

I have come across lots of articles where authors are trying to justify their take on who to blame on domestic violence; the man or the woman. This to me is a wrong approach to this problem engulfing most marriages in Nigeria. If we actually want to end this issue and not ascribe blames on partners, then a critical dissection and analysis should be done on the act itself. I believe in doing this, we may begin to comprehend the phrase, "actions beget reactions". A peep into wikipedia's view of domestic violence, I found this:

"Domestic violence can take a number of forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, economic, religious, and sexual abuse, which can range from subtle, coercive forms to marital rape and to violent physical abuse such as female genital mutilation and acid throwing that results in disfigurement or death".

A cross-sectional view of the statement, we can observe that domestic violence does not just end in physical and sexual abuse alone, it goes as far as verbal and emotional abuse.

Now lets dissect!

Verbal:
Again, wikipedia said: 
"Verbal abuse (also known as reviling or "verbal bullying") is described as a negative defining statement told to the victim or about the victim, or by withholding any response, thereby defining the target as non-existent. If the abuser does not immediately apologize and retract the defining statement, the relationship may be a verbally abusive one".
There are ways or manners a partner can approach a statement or retort from the other partner that can cause a big problem. Men have the ability to use physical strength, while women have the ability to use their verbal strength. This statement is just based on general statistics taking Nigeria as a case study. It simply does not mean that there are no men in Nigeria who find their mouth a better weapon and women who rely on their physical strength. My point is, before physical abuse comes into play in most cases, there must have been a verbal tussle. Now remember, it must not be the ones said, it could also be a negligence in response that has a negative effect in probably a sense of disrespect. Also, if an apology is not issued, it could also warrant a physical reproach. Partners should learn how to control their verbal output. There is a saying that, "things said to the heart, can hurt more than a thousand arrows shot to the heart".
Don't also forget that if your partner respects him/herself so well and keeps shut after you have said something terrible, that it means everything is alright. High blood pressure is real! This would be better described on my next point.

Emotional:
"Psychological abuse (also referred to as psychological violence, emotional abuse, or mental abuse) is a form of abuse, characterized by a person subjecting, or exposing, another person to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder".
In this aspect, wikipedia leaned more on behavior or attitude towards a partner. No matter the issue that crops up in a marriage, the way you behave towards the issue matters more than the issue itself. One partner's behavior can tell the other partner how much he/she depends on the other to solve that problem. Most people are not  groomed naturally to entertain some negative behavioral reactions and so may result to take on physical action.

I am looking at these two terms because in most cases when domestic violence is analyzed online or on different articles, people concentrate on the action on ground but forget other parameters that determined that action. We can all attest to the fact that in most occurrences, men are found guilty.

Wikipedia also reports that: 
"Domestic violence is among the most under-reported crimes worldwide for both men and women. Domestic violence occurs when the abuser believes that abuse is acceptable, justified, or unlikely to be reported. It may produce inter-generational cycles of abuse".
This tells you that in as much as domestic abusers engage in these heinous acts partly because they may not be reported, they also do it because truly they are not reported. When reading this statement, bear in mind that even when you say the wrong things or act the wrong way to your partner, you are already committing these heinous acts!

My dear friends, I therefore go by this fact, "do unto others what you want to be done to you". 
He or she who hits a woman or a man is an abuser, likewise he or she who says or does things that hurt a partner. Lets all love ourselves in our marriages. If you know emotionally, you are no more in a state to show that unconditional love, separate from your partner, even the church grants that. It is better than engaging in things that will affect even the psychology of your dear children.

If you have a partner that has this attitude embedded naturally and cannot make a correction or a point on an issue without going haywire, keep off! We have to learn to pay more attention to the causes of these violence, instead of the violence itself. This way, we can all learn to avert finding our marriages in this situation. Resolve domestic violence from its roots and we would all have beautiful marriages to hold on to.

Thank you for reading.😊